Sunday, August 15



My best friend said to me, "Valerie, you used to love writing long entries and I loved reading it, where did it all go."
My response was, "I don't think people would want to read it anymore that's why I stopped."


我最要好的朋友跟我说, "Valerie, 你曾经很爱写我爱读的长编网志, 那些全去哪里了."
我的回应是, 我不觉得大家想看了所以停了."

Along the way, we always get jaded and talked into situations or conditions which we don't necessarily agree with and have no need to comply.  But like all things human, we comply and rationalize thoughts and criticism.  This diary was a creative way of allowing me to express my thoughts and document my changes in fashion and style.  One year down the line, I have forgetton the sole purpose of this journal which was to record my thoughts and provide a venue exclusive of other writings, to remember my thought process. 

Yet, this subtle change in behavior could have something to do with the traffic I have received, the criticism bestowed and the harsh generalization that this digital agent is representative of who I am and what I comprise of.  Funny enough, I believed it.  I believed everything that was said. 

沿路上, 我们常会觉得疲惫和走进我们不一定同意而且没必要遵守的情况和条件里.  但像所有的事物人类, 我们遵守和合理化思想和批评.  这个日记是一个有创意的方法让我去表达我的想法和记下我时装和风格的转变.  一年下来, 我忘了这个日志的主要目的是记下我的想法和发布其他写作作品, 去记下我的思想过程. 

然而, 这行为的微妙变化跟我收到的浏览量有关, 给与的批评还有严厉地用这个电子中介概括了我是谁和我是怎么组成.  有趣的是, 我相信了.  我相信了一切的意见. 

As hard as it is to process, I am hard on myself, constantly seeking approval and validation that I am on the right track and progressing in a legitimate manner.  Whether or not I speak to the right critics, that's a different story.  Recently though, the critics have become more outspoken and blunt towards my general attitude in life and at work.  Sure, I process these comments with an open heart and mind but without using too much profanity and obscene words, I feel like that's all there really is.

I am young and silly, doing things with improper execution and disregard of certain situations but at that splitting moment, I feel that I have made the calculated decision of how to best handle the presented dillemma.  We all make wrong choices and mistakes, but it's a learning process.  I do need to be constantly reminded of the dangers and risks involved in making instinctual decisions but at the end of the day, I am only human.

跟思考那么困难一样, 我对自己的要求很高, 长期寻找认可和确认我在正确的轨道和不断以合理的速度进步.  我是否跟对的批评者说话, 那是另外一件事.  但最近, 批评者对于我对人生和工作的态度变的更直言不讳.  当然, 我开放思考这些意见而且没有用太多不敬和可憎的言语, 我觉得除了这样没有什么我可以做的.

我很年轻糊涂, 不当地处理和无视某些情况做事可是在做决定的时刻, 我觉得我做了最好怎样处理当前困境的决定.  我们都会做错误的选择和过失, 那可是学习的过程.  我需要常被提醒做本能的决定可能带来的危机和风险但是到底我也只是一个人.

We are all at different stages of our life, sometimes getting what we want or not.  Still it is difficult to determine and place personal happiness when we are constantly dependent on the views of others to prove the sanctity of the situation.  I always wish I was older, filled with different life experiences and knowledge to make wiser choices.  But, being older doesn't mean you always make the right decisions, it just means that you have more substance to base those decisions on.  There is a certain novelty about being young, I am able to walk through innocently and utterly clueless to the selected environment, but it's that curiousity and openess which will either break or make me. 

I am still trying to find my way in this complex world of personal politics, delicacy in human relations and balancing of who I am and who I want to be.  I will always want to be better and try and prove myself.  Prove to others that I am worth the admiration given, so please... don't hate on me. Don't dislike the fact that I seek your approval.

我们都在人生里不同的阶段, 有时候得到我们想要的或者没有.  但在我们不断依赖别人的意见的情况下很难去确定个人的幸福.  我常希望我年纪可以大一点, 充满不同的人生历练和知识去做更聪明的选择.  不过, 年纪大一点不代表你一定做对的决定, 只代表你有多一点帮你决定的东西.  年轻有一种新奇性, 我可以无辜地走过和对某些环境没有一点头绪, 不过是那好奇和开放性会破坏或建成我. 

我还在这充满个人政治复杂的世界里找我的路, 在人际关系的灵巧和在我是谁和我想变成谁之间找个平衡点.  我会一直想变得更好和尝试和证明自己.  向其他人证明我是值得别人对我的欣赏, 所以请你... 不要恨我. 请不要不喜欢我征求你的批准.

I am fair and willing admit to mistakes I make.
I am willing to open my mind to constructive comments.
Yet, I have to learn to not let these statements get to me.
Thank you to all my readers for your support throughout this year.
Thank you to my critics who challenged the very foundation of who I am.
Thank you to my friends, who know that the best thing to do is to just listen.

不过, 我要学习不要让这些意见影响我.

Somewhere along the way, I will find someone who will accept me exactly as is, the flawed version of Valerie.

路上的某个地方, 我会找到一个接受真实的我的人, 那个不完美的Valerie.