Whenever I feel sad, I embark on a somewhat impossible task to keep me preoccupied: sorting out my wardrobe. Today, I moved one-third of my closet into my living room. What you are looking at in the photo are all tops. Some people organize it according to colors, some according to materials. I sort them according to memories. See by Chloe chiffon top, worn to a fashion show, goes on the bottom while H&M cotton t-shirt goes on top, worn to a great day at the beach. I have a stack of "good times" tops and also a stack of "bad times" tops.
Speaking of bad times, I have been having lots of those lately. It's been affecting my sleep, which is really unusual for some one who NEVER has sleep problems. I have a problem with forgetting. I have learned to forgive but I have not learned to forget. Sure, someone did something wrong and it bothers me. I am too nice so I can't say this directly to that person's face. Why? Because when you care about someone, you hope with all your heart that there is a possibility that they would change and you would be the bigger person who forgave.
This is what I would say: I had no expectations, yet you built up all the expectations. I understand that things happened with no direction and no intention. At the same time, it doesn't mean that you have no obligations. I am a person and I appreciate the fact that you witheld information from me but I have feelings. I would rather feel bad than falsely feel good. Under any other circumstance, I would be blissfully happy not knowing. But, I feel your inconsistency, you exposed yourself. It's the fact that you still hid the fact that you lied to me, even though you know I prefer the truth.
I feel defeated.
When I sort through my clothes, I think of the memories that we had.
I can only hope one day I get the respect I deserve.
This is what I would say: I had no expectations, yet you built up all the expectations. I understand that things happened with no direction and no intention. At the same time, it doesn't mean that you have no obligations. I am a person and I appreciate the fact that you witheld information from me but I have feelings. I would rather feel bad than falsely feel good. Under any other circumstance, I would be blissfully happy not knowing. But, I feel your inconsistency, you exposed yourself. It's the fact that you still hid the fact that you lied to me, even though you know I prefer the truth.
I feel defeated.
When I sort through my clothes, I think of the memories that we had.
I can only hope one day I get the respect I deserve.
每当我不开心的时候， 我总是做一件有点不可能完成的事情：把衣柜里的衣服分类。今天，我把衣橱三分之一的衣服都搬到客厅去。照片里的都是上衣。有些人以颜色分类，有些人以衣料分类。我则以回忆分类。看by Chloe的纺纱上衣，穿过这出席一个时装秀，在上面穿了一件H&M棉质衬衫，这样穿过去沙滩过了快乐的一天。我有一堆“美好时光”的上衣，也有一对“倒霉时光”的。
说起倒霉的时候，我最近常有。这也影响了我的睡眠，对一个从没有过睡眠问题的人来说很不正常。我有忘记的障碍。我学会了怎么去原谅但还没学会怎么去忘记。是的，有人犯了我不喜欢的错。过于善良的我做不出直接跟这个人说。为什么？因为你关心那个人，你会希望那个人会改变，而你就原谅那个人。
这是我会说的：我没抱有期望，但你却积累了所有期望。我明白事情的发生没有任何方向或是意图。同一时间，这不代表你没有责任。我是一个人，我感谢你对我保留了一些资料，但是我也有感受的。比起被隐瞒所以快乐，我宁愿不开心。在其他情况下，我会很乐意不知道状况。但是，我感觉到你的前后矛盾，你揭露了自己。问题在于你试图收起你对我撒谎的这件事，尽管你清楚我会希望知道真相。
我感到挫败。
当我再把衣服分类，我想起我们的回忆。
我只好希望有一天我会得到我应得的尊重。
